Dr Susan Ricketson http://drsusanricketson.com Working With You to Make a Better You Mon, 14 May 2012 16:36:27 +0000 en hourly 1 Healthy relationships http://drsusanricketson.com/healthy-relationships/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=healthy-relationships http://drsusanricketson.com/healthy-relationships/#comments Mon, 14 May 2012 16:36:27 +0000 Susan http://drsusanricketson.com/?p=1419 Healthy relationships seem to be hard to come by for many people. There are a few basic attitudes that are key to having one.  Friendship to love or love to friendship. It can work either way.  It needs to be maintained with tactful honesty, courtesy, kindness, and fairness. It is important to focus on the positive in the other and let the other person know your thinking and feelings. So often we think things but forget to say them. The other person needs to know your positive feelings about them. If a negative comes up for you about the other, you can share that in an “I statement” and with kindness, yet firmness. It is important not to let negatives pile up in you and then end up blasting the other out of the blue. Each person needs to know they can count on the consistency of the other in the way they are treated. There should be no blaming and the making of amends when wrong (or even by accident hurt the other) should be handled right away. There is no importance to being “right”. Look for similar values, morals, and basic integrity when choosing who to be with. This is all under the heading of “communication” which often isn’t explained so no one knows what that really means. It isn’t complicated. It is about letting the other person always keep face and feel respected. That means you need to really respect the other and let them know. It isn’t hard if you keep it simple. This is the beginning and a good counselor or coach can teach you more if she or he is living it. The joy you will receive from happy, healthy relationships makes life worthwhile and builds self-esteem and confidence.

]]> http://drsusanricketson.com/healthy-relationships/feed/ 0 Abusive behavior causes illness in those connected. http://drsusanricketson.com/abusive-behavior-causes-illness-in-those-connected/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=abusive-behavior-causes-illness-in-those-connected http://drsusanricketson.com/abusive-behavior-causes-illness-in-those-connected/#comments Sat, 05 May 2012 04:15:36 +0000 Susan http://drsusanricketson.com/?p=1408 A client of mine went to her chiropractor every week for the last couple of years mainly to be have her internal organs tested for health and strength. She also got an adjustment which she needed nearly every time.  Each time her organs would test out weak in most of them and often all of them. She also took supplements to help the strength of them. She and her doctor talked about her home situation often. About 2 years ago her husband started to change, suble at first and then more obvious.  The wife didn’t know what to do or what was going on under the presenting behavior.  She was increasingly being put down, sarcasm sent her way, blamed, called names, corrected, and generally being abused with guilt being the biggest tactic. As her husband was quite a bit older than her she didn’t want to leave him yet was getting more and more agitated as time went on. Since I had been in a similar situation I helped her put together a medical program which her doctor ok’d and prescribed for so when we did an intervention and her husband was put on the medication, given a specialized food, and taken to a program of positive thinking and spirituality daily,  This  helped his oncoming dementia and re-emergence of old alcoholic behavior which I thought was happening to him.  After just a couple months he was like a new person with only a few “slips” in behavior very occasionally. What happened to her was short of amazing! She began to sleep better, function more easily, not be depressed and anxious, and when tested again, all her organs tested normal and strong. She no longer required treatment/adjustments. She is actually happy every day as she was given back the life she was meant to have.  The power of the abusive person is so great and the person relating to him doesn’t realize it because she’s in it every day.  Even the sick person/addict doesn’t truly see it for what it is because he is in denial.  The wife sure does now and is she greatful for her own returning health plus getting her husband back.  Please don’t wait until you are really sick to do something about your situation. If I can help in any way let me know.   I send my love and prayers to you. website Drsusanricketson.com and Livefromyourheart.com

]]> http://drsusanricketson.com/abusive-behavior-causes-illness-in-those-connected/feed/ 0 Counseling for the person abused by addict/alcoholic http://drsusanricketson.com/counseling-for-the-person-abused-by-addictalcoholic/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=counseling-for-the-person-abused-by-addictalcoholic http://drsusanricketson.com/counseling-for-the-person-abused-by-addictalcoholic/#comments Wed, 25 Apr 2012 16:18:25 +0000 Susan http://drsusanricketson.com/?p=1402 Verbal abuse as well as physical abuse can be caused by an addict to those around him. Counseling provides help for the abused person, allowing her to gain control over her life in getting the help she needs to protect her from the abuse. The abuser wants to be enabled and will be angry if such action is withheld, and he is confronted. Codependency runs rampant in the addict’s family system and needs to be dealt with by intervention or by the one suffering abuse staying away if possible from the abuser. Getting counseling is a must for the person wanting to recover from codependency and from having to suffer abuse. It is a very serious process and needs to be taken seriously. Denial will not accomplish anything but cover over the problem and make it worse. This is dangerous to the person being abused. Denial is pretending it all isn’t happening or “isn’t that bad”.

]]> http://drsusanricketson.com/counseling-for-the-person-abused-by-addictalcoholic/feed/ 0 Co-dependency brings on negativity http://drsusanricketson.com/co-dependency-brings-on-negativity/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=co-dependency-brings-on-negativity http://drsusanricketson.com/co-dependency-brings-on-negativity/#comments Thu, 19 Apr 2012 14:36:09 +0000 Susan http://drsusanricketson.com/?p=1398 Co-dependency brings on negativity. People afflicted with this condition are usually chronically angry (although it may not “show” because it is covered up by extreme niceness), anxious or depressed. It is my take that those who are free of co-dependency are upbeat, optimistic, and grateful. A Harvard review brings out that people who with a better sense of well-being tend to have less heart attacks and better health all around.  It also mentions that people who have some control over their lives and are invested in their care have better outcomes in life. Get help for co-dependency. I have and it is a fantastic life.

]]> http://drsusanricketson.com/co-dependency-brings-on-negativity/feed/ 0 Inter-dependency and Co-dependency http://drsusanricketson.com/inter-dependency-and-co-dependency/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=inter-dependency-and-co-dependency http://drsusanricketson.com/inter-dependency-and-co-dependency/#comments Sun, 15 Apr 2012 20:51:51 +0000 Susan http://drsusanricketson.com/?p=1392 Excerpt from the book “Dilemma of Love” by Dr. Susan Ricketson: If you can take care of yourself in a relationship, you can learn to be inter-dependent with your partner, rather than codependent. This means you can be intensely connected and bonded with your partner and yet maintain your unique, precious self. You can allow yourself to be vulnerable and loving and still feel your strength and your personal power. When you are clear about who you are, you can be fully yourself with another person. This is a sign of high self-differentiation and true spiritual health.

]]> http://drsusanricketson.com/inter-dependency-and-co-dependency/feed/ 0 Enabling the addict/alcoholic #5 http://drsusanricketson.com/enabling-the-addictalcoholic-5/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=enabling-the-addictalcoholic-5 http://drsusanricketson.com/enabling-the-addictalcoholic-5/#comments Fri, 06 Apr 2012 15:24:47 +0000 Susan http://drsusanricketson.com/?p=1385 5) Fear of what could happen to the addict if not protected and therefore enabled. I’ve already talked about shame and fear as being reasons why one would enable an alcoholic or addict. The enabler could also be depressed and not know what to do or how to handle the addict or what people would say if they knew there was a problem. The enabler might be afraid of something bad happening to the addict and/or the addict hurting himself.  The enabler is codependent and needs help. A counselor can help the enabler help herself.

]]> http://drsusanricketson.com/enabling-the-addictalcoholic-5/feed/ 0 People enabling addict/alcoholic #4 http://drsusanricketson.com/people-enabling-addictalcoholic-4/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=people-enabling-addictalcoholic-4 http://drsusanricketson.com/people-enabling-addictalcoholic-4/#comments Fri, 30 Mar 2012 19:10:19 +0000 Susan http://drsusanricketson.com/?p=1379 4) Security. This means turning a blind eye to negative behavior. Enabling helps the alcoholic or addict continue his or her destructive behavior. It is the opposite of confronting the issue and letting the addict know his behavior is recognized. A person may believe the addict would bring on economic insecurity and keep money from her if she confronted him. She may be afraid of abandonment, the addict choosing the addiction over her. Fear of rejection is very powerful, admitting the possibility of being left alone and lonely. The enabler may feel she is spiritually bound to protect the addict and will be subject to punishment by a Higher Power. Being required to handle this all alone is more than should be asked of anyone. A counselor who is adept in matters of alcoholism, addiction, and codependency can provide the enabler with the support to look at these issues and make a plan on how to handle them. The enabler would be given ideas on how to protect her financially as well as emotionally. The reasons to enable make sense when looked at from this perspective, even though in the long run the enabler is on a dead end street.

]]> http://drsusanricketson.com/people-enabling-addictalcoholic-4/feed/ 0 Why family enables addict/alcoholic #3 http://drsusanricketson.com/why-family-enables-addictalcoholic-3/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=why-family-enables-addictalcoholic-3 http://drsusanricketson.com/why-family-enables-addictalcoholic-3/#comments Sun, 25 Mar 2012 22:31:59 +0000 Susan http://drsusanricketson.com/?p=1375 3) Family values. Many families take pride in being “fine” and perfect. They feel they can take care of “their own” and need no outside help.  It would be embarrassing to have anyone know they have problems in their family. Family members can rationalize that no one is perfect and just learn to live around the addict as they would any sick person. This is destructive to other members of the family and will cause them to have physical and emotional problems. This type of family becomes good at ignoring the problem or praying it away without taking action to remedy the problem. Self image is important to the family members, and they feel it is blight on their image to have a problem they can’t handle. A counselor could intervene and help them see they can do something about their roles in the dysfunctional family. A counselor could help them see they should have no shame and guilt in a common problem that is so widespread throughout countries of the world, especially the United States. To effectively attack the problem, the family members have to be in enough pain and fear that they are willing to seek help and reach out to a counselor. Until then, the family members often feel they are stuck and can’t do anything about their situation, except live with it. Counselor could help them see they have choices

]]> http://drsusanricketson.com/why-family-enables-addictalcoholic-3/feed/ 0 Enabling the Addict/Alcoholic #2 http://drsusanricketson.com/enabling-the-addictalcoholic-2/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=enabling-the-addictalcoholic-2 http://drsusanricketson.com/enabling-the-addictalcoholic-2/#comments Wed, 14 Mar 2012 15:00:02 +0000 Susan http://drsusanricketson.com/?p=1370 2) Maintain the self image of the person being abused by the addict. There is often a lot of shame connected to being abused and being with an addict. How would the abused “look” to others would if he/she admitted there was a problem? Would people blame her or look down on her for being in that position? She might feel guilty thinking she did something to cause the addict to be addicted. This is especially true for parents with children who are addicts. They might think they did or didn’t do something they should have done that caused the addiction. They might think if only they could be different, then the addict would stop the behavior. The fact is they didn’t cause it, they can’t control it, and they can’t cure it. There is a lot of information available, especially in Twelve Step Programs that can give them information about the disease and their part in it and how it is affecting them. A counselor can teach them knowledge about addiction of all kinds. They need to come out of isolation, so they can learn about the disease and learn it isn’t their fault. Enablers need to see they are codependent.

]]> http://drsusanricketson.com/enabling-the-addictalcoholic-2/feed/ 0 Enabling the Addict/Alcoholic #1 http://drsusanricketson.com/enabling-the-addictalcoholic-1/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=enabling-the-addictalcoholic-1 http://drsusanricketson.com/enabling-the-addictalcoholic-1/#comments Sun, 11 Mar 2012 23:16:50 +0000 Susan http://drsusanricketson.com/?p=1366 Since I have a client who has been enabling her spouse in addictive behavior and now finally sees how damaging that behavior is to her, I was curious what motivated her to continue to make excuses for the addict for so long. The next few days I will go into reasons why a person would block out the addict’s behavior or just go on praying for him as a way to avoid doing anything about it without taking action.

I will give five reasons over the next few days.

1) Depending on the severity of the addiction and the addict’s temperament, the enabler might be afraid of the addict’s violence and be anxious about the harm the addict might do to her. The enabler might even feel her life is in danger if she confronts the addict in any meaningful way, such as giving an ultimatum of treatment/meetings or else she will leave the person. This is generally more threatening to a woman than to a man, but woman as well as men are known to be violent if confronted with their addictions and become aware that corrective action is about to be taken. The enabler might also be afraid the addict will do something to hurt her. Therefore, it is best to do nothing without the backing of a counselor who is adept in matters of addiction and tough love.

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