Accountability in coaching
December 9, 2011
In coaching the client sets up goals in which he wants to be accountable. The coach is there to protect that accountability not to be responsible for it. That is up to the client. The coach wants very much for the client to reach his goals each week, but the coach is not attached to whether the client does so or not. The coach is there to encourage, to help the client learn from mistakes, and to help the client understand why he may have failed. There is no criticizing or judging of the client, and there is a great acclaim for when the client is able to accomplish each step of the way.
An example would be to lose weight and to stay on a certain food plan. To share that goal is to make it real and more attainable. A person may want to quit smoking and can share the difficulty that goes with that and the progress being made as he goes along in attaining that goal. The coach holds the client accountable to empower the change he wants to make. This provides the means for change and creates the greatest opportunity to acknowledge how he succeeds.
Ultimately, the client is accountable for his own life and his own agenda. The coach holds that sacred. Homework is often given to assist the client in understanding the process he is going through in achieving his goals. To be accountable means simply to give an account. What worked? What didn’t work? What happened? What would you do differently next time?
A client having a coach to share with gives the motivation to stick with a project when the initial enthusiasm has worn off. It is to keep client moving along until desired results are obtained. The process is the same regardless of the goal and is what brings success almost every time. Every success brings increased self esteem, confidence, and happiness.
Grief and emotional pain with loss of anyone we love so fully
March 12, 2011
March 9 Sabrina, my beloved cat of l6 years. ..still playing and jumping up on the valance of the curtain. ..until the day before. She died and now I am seeing that she decided to die so she wouldn’t have to go through any more tests and pokes. She also did not want me to see her sick. She wants me to remember her in all her glory. That is where I am today and feeling gratitude for having her in my life so long.
I was not here, nor will the emotional pain be gone soon, when she died. I was in shock. I cried a lot at first and then I got very angry and wanted her back and nothing was making sense (even though I did 2 sessions the next day was fine in them) and I wish I had never had her teeth cleaned because she had to take medicine after and if I’d known that I never would have done it. Sabrina did not take medicine well. She fought it. She was her own cat and the alpha cat in a home of 4 cats. I went through 2 days of physical symptoms and was ready to call a doctor and then I remembered they were all part of the process. I was in such emotional pain and anguish I didn’t want to be in my body. There were so many feelings and my left brain just wouldn’t work, like doing anything on Facebook or anything that was analytical. I was praying constantly just to get through the pain. I couldn’t get her out of my mind and kept remembering all her special qualities that I’d never see again. I didn’t want to talk to people much because I didn’t want to hear the platitudes, like “she’s in a better place” which wasn’t true. She loved her home and us and was very happy. God does know what we need because I had a chi gong body session yesterday (and I never have had one two weeks in a row) and received such love and healing that I got some relief. Crying is good and I am not good at crying for myself (I am for others) so I pray to cry and let go of the hurt inside me, especially in my gut. This is where I am at now. The reason I have such a love for cats is that mly Father gave me a cat when I was 6 yr. old and lost my brother who I adored. That bond is unbreakable. I have always had loving cats who all get along with each other all my life. Thank you for listening.
Feelings, grief and the cat
March 9, 2011
Yesterday I found Sabrina (one of my two older cats) lying on the floor half under a chest. When a cat is sick he/she will try to hide so as not to hurt the human (me). I called the vet and got her in right away and she stayed all day. I was very positive yesterday, praying all day, and continuing to function. When we picked her up at 5pm they had taken $800 worth of tests but are not sure what is the matter with her. She was very dehydrated when I took her in. We don’t know what is causing the dehydration. She came home with a tube in her arm and some medicine she wouldn’t take and took her back today. I love this cat so much, as I do all my 4 cats. I am not ready to let her go. I feel angry this morning which is part of the grief process that I may be starting to go into. I don’t have the money to keep testing her after today and I pray they find the answers today. This is very personal but it is the best I can do on a blog since I am in tears and have so many feelings running around inside of me I am just taking it one step at a time. Doing the next right thing, praying for that guidance. I have so much to do and it is hard to focus. Grief is full of feelings and I am feeling a lot of them now. I will write tomorrow on my losing my cat 8 years ago. I’m not ready to lose this cat and I have to have it be God’s will. I am feeling the heart break of when I lost my other cat and feel so badly that Sabrina is so lifeless.
Remembering old grief and my Mother
February 23, 2011
I thought my Mother would live forever. I was always thinking something would happen to my Dad because I was especially close to him. I loved my Mother but we were very different; however, we worked out our “stuff” by the time I was married (at 22yr). Upon arriving home from a trip to Jamacia with my husband, his parents were at our home and talked to him about something. He took me in the living room and told me my Mother had died of a coronary embolism after being told a few days before she had a blood clot in her leg. The doctor simply told her to rest which was not very good advice. She was a very active person and it seemed like she never had been sick in her life. I saw her go through so much grief when she lost 2 children and that was painful for me, too. So I was the only one left and had no siblings to share this shock of my Mother dying. I took the two children I had and went to Ohio for the funeral. It was devastating to me. I wanted to stand up and shout at everyone what a wonderful person she was and how giving she was. I was too upset to give a eulogy. Just being there and being able to function was miraculous to me. I was angry she was taken away from me when my children were so young. That was in May (the same day as my brother’s birthday. . ..not a coincidence as she was heart broken when he died) and the summer after I kept functioning and taking care of my family yet at 3:00 every day I would start crying and cry and sob until dinnertime. I prayed my way through the entire experience. That continued on for about 3 months and I just accepted it as my way of grieving so I did not fight it. I am very grateful I let myself have all the feelings that went with the grief process (anger, depression, denial, saddness, and more) so I was freed from any lingering problems as a result of her death. Recently I have been going through many of her letters which fortunately my Father saved and gave to me before his death. There are times I will cry when reading them, they are so beautiful, and I am so grateful to have them. I am also grateful she was able to hold my second child, my older daughter, before she died. We also had a great talk about how I had a boy and a girl and that somehow “made up” in a spiritual way for the loss of her son and daughter. Now I cry out of joy and gratitude. It is so important to go through the entire grief process in your own particular way. If this touches anyone and I can be of any help, I will certainly respond. My words are “let yourself have all the feelings and love yourself through it”.
Being abused and self worth
February 11, 2011
Being abused is not just about physical behavior but also psychological, subtle, confusing behavior. It’s purpose is to destroy the person who is being abused self-worth and it usuallly works. It is a serious problem in all societies and has been addressed more in this country in the last 10 years. The person being abused does not have the information she/he needs and therefore goes along with the “program” of the abuser’s. That is continual put downs, insults, anger attacks, blaming to just name a few. All the while the abuser is saying he/she loves the spouse, partner, child, or something to that effect. This makes it very difficult for the person being abused to see the reality of his/her situation and puts them in denial. They really believe what the abuser says unless they have the self worth to see through it and stand up for themselves. They can be having a great day and the abuser says or does something which knocks the wind out of the other.
They can stand up for themselves if they still have enough self esteem but it really won’t change anything and can just cause a fight and they will end up “wrong” as usual. Also, standing up for themseves all the time is very tiring and throws a person off what they were doing. It is a dangerous way to live unless tje ab are getting help from a knowledgeable counselor or coach who really knows the sublties of this serious problem. It can cause addictions, suidcide, illness, tendency to fall and just feeling hurt and unloved most of the time. Depression, insomnia, and anxiety are three hallmarks of this situation and need to be treated as soon as possible. The elderly and people with physical issues are the most vulnerable. Other who know about this may be able to help a friend by noticing this behavior and being a friend. Usually the victim is isolated from friends as a result of the abuser. Learn what a healthy relationship is and what true love is all about. I speak of this in my book Dilemma of Love which is a timeless book and was written out of love and to help people.
Thanksgiving and gratitude
November 25, 2010
I want to share how many things I have to be grateful for this year. And I want to remind you that no matter what is going on in your life, you can find something to be grateful for. Start with you woke up and can feel the new day. If you are lucky enough to see it, then that is a plus. If you have love it your life, even if it is an animal or other living thing, then you are lucky. If we want to we can always find things to be grateful for, every day. I love Thanksgiving because gratitude is the focus of the day. If we are not grateful, then self-pity and complaining are the topics of the day and we will not have a chance at being happy. I am grateful to be born in the most prosperous and remarkable nation in the history of man, and during a most prosperous era. The same man has loved me for 35 years and is more loving than even now as we did our marriage vows with a wonderful pastor from a church we find “home”. God makes sense to us and we live our spirituality, not just talk it. We can pray and make a difference as well as take action to make things as good as we can in this country and in daily life as we go about our business. I have a meaningful job where I can really help people change their lives and become their full potential. I can feel my feelings and not try to escape them in any way so life if rich and meaningful. I come from a loving family with good values, morals, integrity and kindness. I have beautiful children and grandchildren who are healthy and good people. God has been good to me all my life no matter what troubles I have been through and there have been many. I live in awe and wonder at the love and beauty that surrounds me. There is no abuse in my life and my feelings are balanced and good. I have healed my codependency and addictions and will be forever greatful one day at a time. I have a multitude of wonderful friends and neighbors. Thank you, all of you that are reading this.
Choose the way you want to think
November 10, 2010
You can choose the way you want to think, your attitude, your belief systems; in other words, you have control over how your life goes by your initial thinking and your reactions to what life offers. You will not need defensive behavior and reactionary anger. You can choose to see what happens and what people say in a realistic manner instead of a distorted one. Check out my articles to get more information. Prayer is a good way to start the day, with gratitude, even if you dont FEEL it. “Act as if” is a good reminder and soon you will be believing. This will help you with codependency, addictions, insomnia, abuse, and resentment/grief. It will help with depression and elder care, toxic relationships, and aiming towards healthy ones. Love is the bottom line but needs to be practiced and open your heart for physical health as well as emotional well-being. Never leave out possibility of counseling and coaching for lasting mental health.
Heartache and House Calls: It …
October 29, 2010
Heartache and House Calls: It took getting sick for me to slow down, look at what’s truly important to me, and dis… http://bit.ly/czDy6V
Love can diminish pain or even conquer it
October 19, 2010
Love can diminish pain or even conquer it. There have been several studies done lately that support this statement. I have my own experience of being in intense pain years ago. I started going to a counselor/coach and then a body worker along with it. I was surrounded with love and support from my clients and friends. I have a significant other who was very loving consistenly. Before long, the pain began to subside and before I knew it I was sleeping better, had more energy, was mentally of higher spirits and felt a real connection to the support of the universe/God. The pain began to diminish. My counselor said one day “You could never have been in this much pain and be like you are now. What has happened?” I replyed I was filled with love and was receiving so much from others, especially my new significant other that all abuse seemed to have disappeared.” She was amazed and I was greatful. Today I make sure I am full of love and gratitude and my pain is much less and often not at all.
Pray It Again . . . and Again:…
October 15, 2010
Pray It Again . . . and Again: Cultivating a spiritual life requires a practice of repetition… http://bit.ly/aV5KgZ
