Ways Anger can be misused #7
July 2, 2011
6) Anger used to create emotional distance. Although reasonably common, this misuse of anger is sometimes difficult to spot. Its origin lies in the vulnerability that the insecure person(s) feels when getting too close to others. To reduce the implicit threat, one picks a fight. This conflict creates more interpersonal distance and consequently creates less vulnerability. The telling pattern is the consistent occurrence of petty arguments shortly after moments of intimacy.
Anger is a normal part of bereavement, but its misuse causes anxiety, sleeplessness, loss of desire for food, compulsive eating, smoking, alcohol consumption, depression and many more negative reactions. Marriage counseling is usually needed to deal with this misuse. Hence, addictions can become a big factor in its misuse. One loses ambition and a sense of goals and purpose, There is a feeling of grief and loss, and assertiveness is called for when the victim of this abuse, this codependency, shows the typical signs as outlined above.
Healing continues for shootings in Tucson
January 24, 2011
Our city of Tucson needs healing as does the whole country from the devastation of Jan. 8 on “Congress on the Corner” help by Gabrielle Giffords, congresswoman. She was an innocent and enthusiastic young woman who wanted to help people and hear her constituites ideas. She voted for the issues of district 8, not her party’s issues. She is a fair and caring person. How long will we remember this and honor what she was sacrificed for? I hope a long time. As she is in rehab in Houston, we are here with here memorial, acres long, in front of University Medical Center: it is tear jerking, deeply moving, beautiful, and honoring. It is filled with love. People are still milling around in it and crying as they read the letters and notes written to Gabby and the other people. It is a sad and beautiful thing to see. We need to remember so we can do something about what happened so that it does not happen again. People need to be kinder to one another ane more compassionate. There is no reason a gun with that capacity needs to be sold in this country. We are already working on better mental health for adults facilities and employing the law in Arizona that is little known; stating that when you see someone who is mentally unbalanced you can get them committed. Let’s publize the law and use it. It’s tough love at it’s best. Let’s not say we can’t do anything about it. Let’s DO something about it and any other issues you find wrong. Abuse, addiction, anger, rage, hatred, anxiety, depression, need to be replaced with love and hope and action. Sometimes tough action to save the innocent. Prayer, kindess, and action show real love. Parents need to be parents, not friends, to their children and have boundaries and discipline, and consequences for bad behavior. Relationships need to be repaired.
Home is so important for some people
September 25, 2010
Home in so important to me and I have taken good care of the home I fell in love with in Tucson. I have made it exactly the way I want it and after looking at 50 homes to downsize, I have found a way to stay in my home. I wanted to do the “right” thing and agonized about it in the middle of the night for weeks (insomnia)(restless sleep). I had terrible anxierty in the night. It is so wonderful to have made this decision and to be able to sleep again and be at peace. I prayed for the right thing to do and the right person to do the financing with. I have always known God will answer my prayer but sometimes it takes a lot of patience before he does. i was angry at the thought of moving and sad about it, too. I started cleaning out my closet which was filled with letters, cards, photo albums, and everything else you can think of from my parents home and from my kids childhood. Going through so much of that has been really healing and connecting me to my roots again. I had to go through some grieving about my parents being gone. Oh, how I wish they were here! I promised myself that even if I didn’t move, I would sort out and clean out all the closets and drawers and garage. So I am in that process. it is very healing.
Toxic relationships and codependency
May 4, 2010
Toxic relationships and codependency are hand in hand. Being abused can be like a lobster put in a pot and turning up the heat very slowly until it doesn’t even know it is being abused. If you are in a toxic relationship, get help immediately. Without it you can lose your health, going from doctor to doctor, and it is mostly stress caused by your own codependency and from being abused by another. You may even get into abusing back. That makes you feel ok in the moment but really hurts you in the long run. Or you may be too scared to say anything: peace at any price. You may go around on egg shells trying not to “set off” the other person. Of course, that is self defeating and bring low self esteem to you because the abuser is going to “go off” in cycles no matter what you do and blame you for it. Sometimes it is incredible how you can be blamed for something you have nothing to do with. Your problem is you get defensive and try to explain or pacify the abuser. Defensive behavior is a complete waste of time. If you really did something, own it and make amends and be done with it. If the other person holds a grudge, that’s their problem, not yours. However with codependency you may feel it is your fault and one of the first things to know is you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. This especially pertains to abusers with addictions (and there are so many subtle ones) mainly to drugs, gambling, alcohol, sports (over the edge where a personality change takes place), porno, going outside the marriage or relationship for “love” and “sex”. You do not need to put up with this anymore. Start today and get some really good help from someone who knows what they are talking about and perhaps have been through it themselves. Get your confidence back, get your voice back. Speak up! Move on with your OWN life regardless of the other person. You do not have to take it anymore!!! You can grieve the loss of what you had or thought you had and move on. You can get into anger work with someone who is a real specialist in the various types of anger and be freed.
Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome
September 28, 2009
Post traumatic stress is a very serious problem for many people for many reasons. Definitely those who have been in a war or in family combat zones of codependency, such as alcoholism and addictions of all kinds, are going to be dramatically affected. Depression, anxiety, insomnia, lack of goals and ambitions, physical illness, spiritual deprivation and emptiness are just a few of the results of post traumatic stress. It is treatable with counseling and coaching and sometimes medication is called for. People often enable the person(s) with the syndrome rather than confronting it because they are afraid of violence, suicide, abandonment, and general fear all around. They do it because of guilt and shame and that is the same reason many don’t get help. It causes food problems from anorexia to compulsive eating and that brings on its own severe health issues. A person suffering this syndrome needs to seek help and get out of the trap of stress and anxiety and terror. Grief and loss can cause a need for bereavement counseling. Anger is part of this whole process of post traumatic stress. Worry is a constant partner.
