Ways Anger can be misused #7
July 2, 2011
6) Anger used to create emotional distance. Although reasonably common, this misuse of anger is sometimes difficult to spot. Its origin lies in the vulnerability that the insecure person(s) feels when getting too close to others. To reduce the implicit threat, one picks a fight. This conflict creates more interpersonal distance and consequently creates less vulnerability. The telling pattern is the consistent occurrence of petty arguments shortly after moments of intimacy.
Anger is a normal part of bereavement, but its misuse causes anxiety, sleeplessness, loss of desire for food, compulsive eating, smoking, alcohol consumption, depression and many more negative reactions. Marriage counseling is usually needed to deal with this misuse. Hence, addictions can become a big factor in its misuse. One loses ambition and a sense of goals and purpose, There is a feeling of grief and loss, and assertiveness is called for when the victim of this abuse, this codependency, shows the typical signs as outlined above.
Healing continues for shootings in Tucson
January 24, 2011
Our city of Tucson needs healing as does the whole country from the devastation of Jan. 8 on “Congress on the Corner” help by Gabrielle Giffords, congresswoman. She was an innocent and enthusiastic young woman who wanted to help people and hear her constituites ideas. She voted for the issues of district 8, not her party’s issues. She is a fair and caring person. How long will we remember this and honor what she was sacrificed for? I hope a long time. As she is in rehab in Houston, we are here with here memorial, acres long, in front of University Medical Center: it is tear jerking, deeply moving, beautiful, and honoring. It is filled with love. People are still milling around in it and crying as they read the letters and notes written to Gabby and the other people. It is a sad and beautiful thing to see. We need to remember so we can do something about what happened so that it does not happen again. People need to be kinder to one another ane more compassionate. There is no reason a gun with that capacity needs to be sold in this country. We are already working on better mental health for adults facilities and employing the law in Arizona that is little known; stating that when you see someone who is mentally unbalanced you can get them committed. Let’s publize the law and use it. It’s tough love at it’s best. Let’s not say we can’t do anything about it. Let’s DO something about it and any other issues you find wrong. Abuse, addiction, anger, rage, hatred, anxiety, depression, need to be replaced with love and hope and action. Sometimes tough action to save the innocent. Prayer, kindess, and action show real love. Parents need to be parents, not friends, to their children and have boundaries and discipline, and consequences for bad behavior. Relationships need to be repaired.
Home is so important for some people
September 25, 2010
Home in so important to me and I have taken good care of the home I fell in love with in Tucson. I have made it exactly the way I want it and after looking at 50 homes to downsize, I have found a way to stay in my home. I wanted to do the “right” thing and agonized about it in the middle of the night for weeks (insomnia)(restless sleep). I had terrible anxierty in the night. It is so wonderful to have made this decision and to be able to sleep again and be at peace. I prayed for the right thing to do and the right person to do the financing with. I have always known God will answer my prayer but sometimes it takes a lot of patience before he does. i was angry at the thought of moving and sad about it, too. I started cleaning out my closet which was filled with letters, cards, photo albums, and everything else you can think of from my parents home and from my kids childhood. Going through so much of that has been really healing and connecting me to my roots again. I had to go through some grieving about my parents being gone. Oh, how I wish they were here! I promised myself that even if I didn’t move, I would sort out and clean out all the closets and drawers and garage. So I am in that process. it is very healing.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
October 26, 2009
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a crippling aftermath of war and of surviving a dysfunctional or alcoholic family system, as well as other experiences of extreme trauma. The degree of problems and type of problems may differ but the damage is the same in that it is very real and far reaching. It is one of the most severe forms of emotional disorder known. After being in a war, people relive the catastrophes, such as being forced to shoot innocent civilians (including young children), burying people in open trenches, or watching their own dear friends die or become dismembered. The sounds of gunfire, bombs and screams ricochet in their heads day and night. They sweat. They cry. They have headaches, migraines, and anxiety/panic attacks. They are depressed and in physical and emotional pain.
Most physical illnesses come from this trauma. Addictions run rampant. People suffering traumatic stress have fears and phobias and are afraid to go to sleep at night because of their nightmares or can’t sleep because of insomnia. They worry and have regrets; they have difficulties in relationships, often including sexual dysfunction. Their spirituality is impaired. This is very similar to results of living in a dysfunctional or alcoholic family system. Physical problems, grief and loss, fear of abandonment, tremendous anger (whether acted out in violence or verbal abuse or is repressed/unacknowledged) are there and need to be released through counseling or coaching in an appropriate way); the people suffering traumatic stress have difficulty setting goals and keeping them, focusing and following through on projects, problems making plans yet have trouble living one day at a time.
I have worked with a number of people from various situations of PTSD and it has taken time, but I’ve had excellent results, for which I am grateful. It is hard work for the counselor but very fulfilling to help someone find relief from such hellish living and to see them develop a whole new life, which includes love and joy, the ability to laugh again and truly seeing humor where none existed before, and certainly the ability to function in a way that they can cope with whatever comes their way, knowing that it is okay to get support/help and that they deserve it.
