Aging Gracefully
March 4, 2012
For anyone over 50 years, aging gracefully is a challenge. I realized the other day as my birthday is about to arrive that it isn’t for me about age but about how well I feel and what I’m able to do. Most people in my family live to be quite an age and keep their minds in good working order. That is a legacy to live up to and in itself quite an opportunity to think positively with the start of each day, continue to grow spiritually, and keep the gratitude up there.
My job (yes, I’m still working) is to keep myself in the best shape and to help others to go through the various stages of aging in the most graceful way they can. It is also to be compassionate with those (including myself at times) who are finding it difficult to do this and need/want some encouragement and some tips on how to do it. The man who is telling his story in “Water for Elephants” (by Sara Guren) is in his 90′s and has been through a lot. The final chapter shows how he never gave up his passion for what he loved the most and finds a way to regain some of that. It is very touching.
Having perservereance through all the body trauma, obituaries, illnesses, so many loses (people move, they die, they can’t do what they used to with you) is remarkable. This includes dealing with all the feelings that go with those happenings. Often it just seems like too much and we need extra help to go through it. Every birthday is another year of experience and wisdom to pass on to those we love.
Accountability in coaching
December 9, 2011
In coaching the client sets up goals in which he wants to be accountable. The coach is there to protect that accountability not to be responsible for it. That is up to the client. The coach wants very much for the client to reach his goals each week, but the coach is not attached to whether the client does so or not. The coach is there to encourage, to help the client learn from mistakes, and to help the client understand why he may have failed. There is no criticizing or judging of the client, and there is a great acclaim for when the client is able to accomplish each step of the way.
An example would be to lose weight and to stay on a certain food plan. To share that goal is to make it real and more attainable. A person may want to quit smoking and can share the difficulty that goes with that and the progress being made as he goes along in attaining that goal. The coach holds the client accountable to empower the change he wants to make. This provides the means for change and creates the greatest opportunity to acknowledge how he succeeds.
Ultimately, the client is accountable for his own life and his own agenda. The coach holds that sacred. Homework is often given to assist the client in understanding the process he is going through in achieving his goals. To be accountable means simply to give an account. What worked? What didn’t work? What happened? What would you do differently next time?
A client having a coach to share with gives the motivation to stick with a project when the initial enthusiasm has worn off. It is to keep client moving along until desired results are obtained. The process is the same regardless of the goal and is what brings success almost every time. Every success brings increased self esteem, confidence, and happiness.
Self-esteem, self worth, and assertiveness
February 4, 2011
A positive self-image is critical to living in this world. Our self-image is dependent on self-esteem, self worth, and the resultant assertiveness. It is the key that opens the doors which can be chosen by asking your higher self which doors are the right ones to open. We always pass on our self-image to our children for they know who we really are. I did a lot of praying for the courage to challenge my old tendency to discount myself. I had a lot of counseling and coaching to help me do that. I prayed that all my strong points would be very clear to me, each day. I had to learn to love myself by letting others love me and support me. That means I had to open up and ask for help and be honest. Today I have nothing to hide and am grateful for my ability to be assertive in a straight and honest way without being pushy or aggresive. I am amazed at how strong I am when I am up against something challenging and sometimes have no direct support except my highter power who I chose to call God. I will write more on this subject because I feel it is so important. You will hear from me in a few days to continue this topic. I am generally not codependent which I have worked on for many years and it has saved my life.
Self Esteem and Codependency
July 15, 2010
Self esteem and codependency are linked closely. Lack of self esteem is seen in persons high in codependency. They have trouble making decisions and sticking to a project. They look at all the things they don’t like about themselves and save very little time to thinking about all their assets. This is where a counselor or coach can come in and really help. One can help the codependent to really turn their life around and start seeing all the positives in themselves and their potential. With weekly commitment to goals they can quite quickly start feeling better about themselves. Depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, weight gain or anorexia can be absolished. Anger can be dispelled: distinguishing between old, useless anger and new appropriate anger and what to do with it in a constructive way. They fall prey to addictions and loss of spirituality. Without self esteem a person is not going to get what he/she wants and will continue in a pit of saddness. Get yourself some help if you fit into this blog information!
Anger management is more than a few sessions
May 26, 2010
I get a lot of calls from people who have been arrested and want 4 or 5 sessions to get the police off their back. They claim they do not have an anger problem usually or if they do it is insignificant. People do not get arrested because they are in charge of their anger and in control of their life. Anger is a complicated emotion, one of unmet needs and many contributing factors. There are so many causes of anger and people need to know the difference between the acceptable way to express it and the inappropriate way they are expressing it. I give 8 week classes in which I cover all there is to know about this very complicated emotion with lots of personal work with each person. I keep my classes down to 8 or less. I am not doing a class right now so I can offer the same thing basically with individual sessions. This is very personal and can take a 3 month commitment with me (once a week with homework on email) to be really be free of their anger by understanding where it comes from. It is different with each person which is why I personalize it. If someone is really serious about dealing with their anger (repressed or overt) then they will sign up with me and get it all cleared. They will have practice with me and in letters over the email (only to be sent to me). Their boundaries will improve, self-esteem and confidence come back, make positive choices, and have some peace in their life. Their relationships will improve greatly and love can abound where only anger was there. There will be no more defensive relationships, they can deal with their grief and loss issues, and learning to say no. I have written many blogs on anger (press “next” in the blog area of my website until you come to about 6 blogs going into anger throughly) and if someone wants to really know about this emotion that is the place to start along with calling me and setting up a session. I will not take on someone who just wants a few sessions to get the police off their back. I want people who sincerely want to be free of their anger running their life. Then they will not have to worry about police or spouses’ rage. They will find some spirituality to live by. Prayer may become a daily part of their life. Their will be no more abuse of oneself and of others or of being abused by others. The pain and health issues will clear up. All this can happen by getting to know their anger and doing something about it. See all the testimonials in my website on anger healing. Codependency causes anger and pain and can be healed. It brings on addictions which can be healed. There is so much help available today. Please call me and set up some sessions to be free of this debilitating emotion when used wrongly. Depression is a sure sign of anger help inward. If one can just lift up the phone or email me they can have freedom from toxic anger and anxiety.
Healthy vs Toxic Relationships
May 20, 2010
People get really confused with all the information out there about relationships. It’s as if all you have to do it pray or think positively and your relationships are going to be happy and healthy. There is a lot more to it than that. You need to know the difference between healthy and toxic ones. I go into this fully in my book which can be ordered on line in my website which you probably have if you are reading this. In counseling and coaching sessions I help you get very clear in your relationships so you remove guilt, remorse, grief and anger; you can clean up your side of the street. There is nothing I can do about the other person unless you feel it is worth having couples counseling. In that I can do wonders for both people. First it is important you deal with your grief and loss, your codependency, your addictions so that you are as clear as can be. Sometimes it is impossible for you to do what I have suggested because you are so bogged down by defensive behavior and abuse in the relationship. This is where you can start to get help. Email me at tonkisue@comcast.net to make contact with me and leave your phone number and some good times to reach you. Start now! Get your self esteem back, your confidence, spirituality, physical health. Heal your anxiety and depression. All of these things are being affected by toxic relationships. Most people have no idea how the stress of unhealthy relationships can pull you down into the pits and into serious codependency. Please email or call now.
Mentor coaching and codependency
March 18, 2010
Mentor coaching and codependency are linked because most people who wish to become coaches need to clear up their codependency at least to the point that they can catch it immediately in the present and do something about it. Codependency is when one is looking to someone or something outside oneself to be the source of their well being and sometimes their survival. Addictions of any kind with compulsive behavior (controlling them) get in the way of a person’s spirituality and self-esteem as well as basic health and well-being. I train people who are serious and committed to excellency. They not only learn the full spectrum of what it is to be a top of the line coach but also how to help trainees clear (and help others) their own baggage that would get in their way to thinking clearly and staying conscious on all levels while doing sessions. It is important to have one’s own relationship issues resolved and healthy boundaries (not enabling) in order to help others with marriage counseling, multi-generational relationships at all ages, and divorce counseling. One needs to be or become free of any addictions (even the most subtle ones many which I talk about in my book “Dilemma of Love”). Such problems of depression, anxiety, dealing with high stress efficiently, sleep problems, food issues/weight challenges, aiming for high degree of personal well-being and well developed spirituality.One needs to be well versed in handling anger and grief being able to teach tools to do that. One needs to be able to help clients remove themselves from abusive situations and know how to handle physical, mental, emotional and spiritual abuse. In other words, be free to be totally alive and passionate, with serenity most of the time, in their lives. One needs to be able to openly love knowing the difference between healthy and unhealthy counterproductive (often hurtful) caring.
