Healing continues for shootings in Tucson
January 24, 2011
Our city of Tucson needs healing as does the whole country from the devastation of Jan. 8 on “Congress on the Corner” help by Gabrielle Giffords, congresswoman. She was an innocent and enthusiastic young woman who wanted to help people and hear her constituites ideas. She voted for the issues of district 8, not her party’s issues. She is a fair and caring person. How long will we remember this and honor what she was sacrificed for? I hope a long time. As she is in rehab in Houston, we are here with here memorial, acres long, in front of University Medical Center: it is tear jerking, deeply moving, beautiful, and honoring. It is filled with love. People are still milling around in it and crying as they read the letters and notes written to Gabby and the other people. It is a sad and beautiful thing to see. We need to remember so we can do something about what happened so that it does not happen again. People need to be kinder to one another ane more compassionate. There is no reason a gun with that capacity needs to be sold in this country. We are already working on better mental health for adults facilities and employing the law in Arizona that is little known; stating that when you see someone who is mentally unbalanced you can get them committed. Let’s publize the law and use it. It’s tough love at it’s best. Let’s not say we can’t do anything about it. Let’s DO something about it and any other issues you find wrong. Abuse, addiction, anger, rage, hatred, anxiety, depression, need to be replaced with love and hope and action. Sometimes tough action to save the innocent. Prayer, kindess, and action show real love. Parents need to be parents, not friends, to their children and have boundaries and discipline, and consequences for bad behavior. Relationships need to be repaired.
Visiting family near holidays
December 1, 2010
Visiting family near holidays can be quite an experience! Depending on how healed you are in your codependency is the quality of visit you will have. You cannot control other people so it is best to just visit knowing the family will be the way they are at this given time and you can choose to enjoy them or find fault with them. It really is that simple. Even if you are dealing with active addicts and alcoholics you still have a choice on how you respond (rather than “react”) to each person at any moment. Your main job will be to take care of yourself, mentally, spiritually, and physically. It also is your job to let others care for themselves unless you are asked to hellp out or there is an obvious situation that needs attending. I am going on a trip to visit my children and grandchildren and various others. So it my husband. What I need to remember is I cannot control my husband in how he deals with the family. Hopefully he will follow his alanon program and let them all “be” but I am not in charge of that. I am going with a positive attitude and loving heart. May the family have like feelings towards us as we visit. I am praying to be guided and cared for. There will probably be some physical pain to deal with all people involved. May I act appropriately.
toxic relationships vs healthy relationships
October 5, 2010
Toxic relationships vs healthy relationships has been a lifelong issue. In a toxic relationship there may been alcoholism, drug addiction, intense anger and resentment, and abuse. To protect yourself from such a relationship you really need to distance yourself from the person and pray for them as well as yourself. To engage in such a relationship can cause insomnia, physical pain, illness, and a host of negativity. Healthy relationships are loving and smooth and flowing. Focus on those in your life and turn away from the toxic ones. Get therapy or coaching to help you through this patch of pain.
Deep permeanting anger needs many sesssions to heal
September 20, 2010
People come to me and want me to fix their anger in 3 months time and we work very hard on it and make some great progress. However, there is an underlying deep and pervasive anger inside the person which takes subtle and deep work over a period of time to transform that. If the person is in denial it makes it very difficult to help them see they have this deep anger. They know their relationships are not right but think it is the other person mostly. I try to gently let them know they are doing themselves in by not dealing with this permeating anger and rage and they can be free if they will but follow some simple instrutions I can give them and we can talk about it as well as do deep process work on it. Counseling and life coaching are ways to do this and I hope you take advantage of it. You can change your attitudes and your life.
Defensive behavior result of toxic relationships, addictions, codependency.
June 9, 2010
Defensive behavior is the result of toxic relationships, addictions, and/or codependency. Having affairs is devastating to both the person who is having it and the one who is being betrayed. It may not seem obvious to the person who is in the affair, secretive and isolating, but the anger and sickness is there even if they are in denial about it. The person “left behind” is actually in a better position to get healthy again with help from a qualified person such as a coach or counselor. That is because that person is facing reality and seeing what is going on. If the person is in denial he/she can be enabling which just makes the problem worse. The personal with the affair is in denial and is caught in addictions. This leads to loss of self-esteem and confidence, to anxiety and depression, and tremendous anger whether it is shown or not. The person left behind may feel stuck and financially afraid to separate or just too codependent to do so. The loss of spirituality is so obvious and needs attention to resolve the situation. Healthy relationships are possible with the right kind of couples counseling and just individual work. It is worth it to have your sleeping back again, to be out of guilt and emotional pain and perhaps physical pain. I got a call from France from a woman who was a gifted child and through abuse from her Mother for all of her life and then betrayal of her spouse, she found herself in such back pain she ended up having an operation which has debilitated her. Now she wants her life back. She can have it back with intense coaching and counseling but she will have to work very hard on her anger and grief and loss she has been through. Do not wait until you are in that position to get help. Get it BEFORE it goes into physical dysfunction and such loss.
Anger management is more than a few sessions
May 26, 2010
I get a lot of calls from people who have been arrested and want 4 or 5 sessions to get the police off their back. They claim they do not have an anger problem usually or if they do it is insignificant. People do not get arrested because they are in charge of their anger and in control of their life. Anger is a complicated emotion, one of unmet needs and many contributing factors. There are so many causes of anger and people need to know the difference between the acceptable way to express it and the inappropriate way they are expressing it. I give 8 week classes in which I cover all there is to know about this very complicated emotion with lots of personal work with each person. I keep my classes down to 8 or less. I am not doing a class right now so I can offer the same thing basically with individual sessions. This is very personal and can take a 3 month commitment with me (once a week with homework on email) to be really be free of their anger by understanding where it comes from. It is different with each person which is why I personalize it. If someone is really serious about dealing with their anger (repressed or overt) then they will sign up with me and get it all cleared. They will have practice with me and in letters over the email (only to be sent to me). Their boundaries will improve, self-esteem and confidence come back, make positive choices, and have some peace in their life. Their relationships will improve greatly and love can abound where only anger was there. There will be no more defensive relationships, they can deal with their grief and loss issues, and learning to say no. I have written many blogs on anger (press “next” in the blog area of my website until you come to about 6 blogs going into anger throughly) and if someone wants to really know about this emotion that is the place to start along with calling me and setting up a session. I will not take on someone who just wants a few sessions to get the police off their back. I want people who sincerely want to be free of their anger running their life. Then they will not have to worry about police or spouses’ rage. They will find some spirituality to live by. Prayer may become a daily part of their life. Their will be no more abuse of oneself and of others or of being abused by others. The pain and health issues will clear up. All this can happen by getting to know their anger and doing something about it. See all the testimonials in my website on anger healing. Codependency causes anger and pain and can be healed. It brings on addictions which can be healed. There is so much help available today. Please call me and set up some sessions to be free of this debilitating emotion when used wrongly. Depression is a sure sign of anger help inward. If one can just lift up the phone or email me they can have freedom from toxic anger and anxiety.
Healthy vs Toxic Relationships
May 20, 2010
People get really confused with all the information out there about relationships. It’s as if all you have to do it pray or think positively and your relationships are going to be happy and healthy. There is a lot more to it than that. You need to know the difference between healthy and toxic ones. I go into this fully in my book which can be ordered on line in my website which you probably have if you are reading this. In counseling and coaching sessions I help you get very clear in your relationships so you remove guilt, remorse, grief and anger; you can clean up your side of the street. There is nothing I can do about the other person unless you feel it is worth having couples counseling. In that I can do wonders for both people. First it is important you deal with your grief and loss, your codependency, your addictions so that you are as clear as can be. Sometimes it is impossible for you to do what I have suggested because you are so bogged down by defensive behavior and abuse in the relationship. This is where you can start to get help. Email me at tonkisue@comcast.net to make contact with me and leave your phone number and some good times to reach you. Start now! Get your self esteem back, your confidence, spirituality, physical health. Heal your anxiety and depression. All of these things are being affected by toxic relationships. Most people have no idea how the stress of unhealthy relationships can pull you down into the pits and into serious codependency. Please email or call now.
Group experience for anger work
May 13, 2010
The group experience for anger work is far superior to working on it in individual sessions in counseling or coaching although they can certainly help. By hearing other people’s anger in a directed setting and safe, confidentail environment you won’t feel so alone and it will also encourage you to share your own truth about your anger. Many people have repressed anger (don’t know they have it) and this can come out much more easily when in a group and getting that support and those examples of the same problem. By the end of a 8 week workshop (once a week) if you have done the anger work as asked (and everyone usually does), you will find a new freedom, confidence, and self-esteem. Your spirituality will open up and you may find grief and forgiveness. If you are working with a qualified counselor you will be guided every step of the way with individual telephone calls and emails in between the sessions. You will find a power in yourself and a control over your emotions that you never dreamed possible. This is the report I have gotten from those who have done the 8 week sessions and done all the processing which is experiential. You will no longer need defensive behavior nor will you put up with it from another. You will no longer blame nor accept blame from someone else. The abuse in relationships will be gone. It is quite a process and it is worth the time and the money. Relationships that are healthy (not toxic) are rare and special. This is what you deserve. Anger is one of the most misunderstood emotions there is. You can get clear on it and be in charge of your own destiny. You will have freedom from anxiety and depression and insomnia which are all products of misused anger or repressed anger. You will change for the better. I’ve seen it over and over, little and big miracles, from doing group work with anger.
Many faces of Anger and how to be free of it’s power
May 11, 2010
Anger has many faces and if you want to be free and full of self confidence and self-esteem, you need to release all that anger in a postive way. I have written many blogs quite awhile ago about the complexities of anger and now I am offering a teleconference of 8 weeks to study anger and learn what is a healthy way to express it and what is toxic to you and others. It is limited to a small number of people so I can give each person personal attention and work with them in between classes. There is experiential work which is life changing for those who have experienced it. See the testimonials. I work with repressed anger (you don’t know you have it) and get it up and out in a healthy way. This class is totally confidential and very sacred. I have been doing this for 35 years and had great success for the people who have taken it. I also do individual work on anger which is excellent; however, I personally think the workshop over a 8 week period with other people who you can practice with and who will validate you work is superior. That is why I do it. The persons who take it can call me in between sessions and email me during the week. This is getting both group work which is exceptional and personal work at the same time. I incouraging anyone whose life is not working to consider it could be unexpressed anger and this workshop will change your life. It will take the abuse out of your life and put joy into it. It will change relationships. It will help you sleep at night and be full of life in the daytime! I’ve seen it happen over and over. Please give it a try and get the rewards.
Mentor coaching and codependency
March 18, 2010
Mentor coaching and codependency are linked because most people who wish to become coaches need to clear up their codependency at least to the point that they can catch it immediately in the present and do something about it. Codependency is when one is looking to someone or something outside oneself to be the source of their well being and sometimes their survival. Addictions of any kind with compulsive behavior (controlling them) get in the way of a person’s spirituality and self-esteem as well as basic health and well-being. I train people who are serious and committed to excellency. They not only learn the full spectrum of what it is to be a top of the line coach but also how to help trainees clear (and help others) their own baggage that would get in their way to thinking clearly and staying conscious on all levels while doing sessions. It is important to have one’s own relationship issues resolved and healthy boundaries (not enabling) in order to help others with marriage counseling, multi-generational relationships at all ages, and divorce counseling. One needs to be or become free of any addictions (even the most subtle ones many which I talk about in my book “Dilemma of Love”). Such problems of depression, anxiety, dealing with high stress efficiently, sleep problems, food issues/weight challenges, aiming for high degree of personal well-being and well developed spirituality.One needs to be well versed in handling anger and grief being able to teach tools to do that. One needs to be able to help clients remove themselves from abusive situations and know how to handle physical, mental, emotional and spiritual abuse. In other words, be free to be totally alive and passionate, with serenity most of the time, in their lives. One needs to be able to openly love knowing the difference between healthy and unhealthy counterproductive (often hurtful) caring.
