// BLOG
Enabling the addict/alcoholic #5
April 6, 2012
5) Fear of what could happen to the addict if not protected and therefore enabled. I’ve already talked about shame and fear as being reasons why one would enable an alcoholic or addict. The enabler could also be depressed and not know what to do or how to handle the addict or what people would say if they knew there was a problem. The enabler might be afraid of something bad happening to the addict and/or the addict hurting himself. The enabler is codependent and needs help. A counselor can help the enabler help herself.
People enabling addict/alcoholic #4
March 30, 2012
4) Security. This means turning a blind eye to negative behavior. Enabling helps the alcoholic or addict continue his or her destructive behavior. It is the opposite of confronting the issue and letting the addict know his behavior is recognized. A person may believe the addict would bring on economic insecurity and keep money from her if she confronted him. She may be afraid of abandonment, the addict choosing the addiction over her. Fear of rejection is very powerful, admitting the possibility of being left alone and lonely. The enabler may feel she is spiritually bound to protect the addict and will be subject to punishment by a Higher Power. Being required to handle this all alone is more than should be asked of anyone. A counselor who is adept in matters of alcoholism, addiction, and codependency can provide the enabler with the support to look at these issues and make a plan on how to handle them. The enabler would be given ideas on how to protect her financially as well as emotionally. The reasons to enable make sense when looked at from this perspective, even though in the long run the enabler is on a dead end street.
Why family enables addict/alcoholic #3
March 25, 2012
3) Family values. Many families take pride in being “fine” and perfect. They feel they can take care of “their own” and need no outside help. It would be embarrassing to have anyone know they have problems in their family. Family members can rationalize that no one is perfect and just learn to live around the addict as they would any sick person. This is destructive to other members of the family and will cause them to have physical and emotional problems. This type of family becomes good at ignoring the problem or praying it away without taking action to remedy the problem. Self image is important to the family members, and they feel it is blight on their image to have a problem they can’t handle. A counselor could intervene and help them see they can do something about their roles in the dysfunctional family. A counselor could help them see they should have no shame and guilt in a common problem that is so widespread throughout countries of the world, especially the United States. To effectively attack the problem, the family members have to be in enough pain and fear that they are willing to seek help and reach out to a counselor. Until then, the family members often feel they are stuck and can’t do anything about their situation, except live with it. Counselor could help them see they have choices
Enabling the Addict/Alcoholic #2
March 14, 2012
2) Maintain the self image of the person being abused by the addict. There is often a lot of shame connected to being abused and being with an addict. How would the abused “look” to others would if he/she admitted there was a problem? Would people blame her or look down on her for being in that position? She might feel guilty thinking she did something to cause the addict to be addicted. This is especially true for parents with children who are addicts. They might think they did or didn’t do something they should have done that caused the addiction. They might think if only they could be different, then the addict would stop the behavior. The fact is they didn’t cause it, they can’t control it, and they can’t cure it. There is a lot of information available, especially in Twelve Step Programs that can give them information about the disease and their part in it and how it is affecting them. A counselor can teach them knowledge about addiction of all kinds. They need to come out of isolation, so they can learn about the disease and learn it isn’t their fault. Enablers need to see they are codependent.
Enabling the Addict/Alcoholic #1
March 11, 2012
Since I have a client who has been enabling her spouse in addictive behavior and now finally sees how damaging that behavior is to her, I was curious what motivated her to continue to make excuses for the addict for so long. The next few days I will go into reasons why a person would block out the addict’s behavior or just go on praying for him as a way to avoid doing anything about it without taking action.
I will give five reasons over the next few days.
1) Depending on the severity of the addiction and the addict’s temperament, the enabler might be afraid of the addict’s violence and be anxious about the harm the addict might do to her. The enabler might even feel her life is in danger if she confronts the addict in any meaningful way, such as giving an ultimatum of treatment/meetings or else she will leave the person. This is generally more threatening to a woman than to a man, but woman as well as men are known to be violent if confronted with their addictions and become aware that corrective action is about to be taken. The enabler might also be afraid the addict will do something to hurt her. Therefore, it is best to do nothing without the backing of a counselor who is adept in matters of addiction and tough love.
