Relationships
by Dr. Susan Ricketson Informational and Intuitive holistic World Wide coach and counselor.
Everyone needs relationships. This is how we survive in the world. What is important is what kind of relationships these are.
Do they support us is being the best person we can be? Or do they drain us and put us down. A coach and counselor can help you distinguish between those two extremes and work with you on doing the best you can with the middle ground when the relationship is important enough to keep.
If you are in a quandary about what to do in attracting a relationship or how to work with what you have you need to have some basic information.
First, know yourself. What do you want in a friend, relative, partner? Make a list of all the qualities you want in your relationships and see if those are realistic wants. What do you need in a relationship?
Our minds and spirits as well as our physical bodies require love to survive and thrive. You can see how now the medical community has suggested a mother keep their baby like a papoose around them and carry them as much as possible with their bodies constantly touching. Many cultures have been doing this for centuries. As we grow older many of us lose that closeness or it is broken by abuse and neglect. This will lead us to negative relationships and skewed communication. It will lead to isolation, emptiness, and broken hearts over and over again. We may come to the place where we say “it isn’t worth being in relationships because they only lead to pain”. Yet we still stay in unhealthy ones out of desperation, habit, and just not knowing better.
There is a better way and you can find it through relationship groups and with the guidance of a knowledgeable counselor and coach. If you are being abused and/or are abusing those in your life, it is time to stop and do something about it.
It is time to find out what healthy relationships look like and how to communicate your needs, limits, and boundaries.
First let’s look at the many types of relationships that exist.
There are those that are extremely dependent, lifeless but going on as robots, passive and aggressive anger abounding, those appearing fine but underneath there is no happiness or connectedness, those based on sex alone or having no sex both leaving out intimacy. Then there are ones that are life sustaining, free flowing in communication, full of laughter, love and joy, and these bring health where there might be sickness, love where there may be resentment.
It is said that the person you marry is the most important decision you will make for that is going to affect you the most of any relationship in your adult life. So many people go into marriage on chemistry alone, not really learning about the person and evaluating how compatible you really are.
So often we are told by our parents, relatives, or family edits as well as by society to “take care of these problems yourself”. You are told you should be able to “fix the problem” or you are a failure, as if you really had the power to get someone well or out of addictions. You certainly have your influence by how you treat others but to take on that you are God and can do it all by yourself is insanity.
Adjusting to a healthy relationship can mean letting go of a lifetime of living through the pain of enmeshment and addictive cycles. You may have become accustomed to holding on to the few good moments that are occasional calms in a stormy relationship. You may still believe, on some level, that swinging from ecstasy to despair and back again is a sign of true love. It is not: it is a symptom of a very dysfunctional relationship whether with a partner, a parent, a child, or a friend.
There is little struggle in a healthy relationship. It is flowing, safe and consistent. You can be yourself without fearing excessive reactions from others, without mind games or sideways anger. You can count on others and know what to expect from them. The relationships flow most of the time. There are bound to be occasional problems and conflicts and you will work through them together with respect and love. You are treated and treat others with caring and patience. There is no need for any form of abuse.
You need to have the INTENTION to have healthy relationships. From that place deep within you, you will know that this requires self-care and self-responsibility.
It is growing up! It is up to you to make choices that are best for you in any relationship.
Dilemma of Love
