Healthy Family Systems and Relationships
by Dr. Susan Ricketson specialist on relationship and holistic help for World Wide help
Most of you have probably heard about the metaphor of the mobile and how it is in perfect balance when all members of a family system are contributing his or her part to the whole. When one or more of the family members is not doing their part, the mobile becomes off balance and communication as well as consideration gets skewed. Today we will focus on the mobile being in balance and everyone being accountable and honest.
In a healthy family system you are taught skills as a child to cope in all areas of life. Some of these areas are:
+Relationship with self: learning to love and respect yourself, learning to be responsible and accountable for your life without excessive control or compulsion.
+Interpersonal life: learning to relate to other people in healthy ways in which the spiritual integrity of each person is maintained.
+Spiritual life: gaining a trust in a Spiritual Force in the universe that is beyond the power of you and your parents.
+Emotional life: leaning to honor your feelings and share them appropriately with others, having a voice that is heard.
+Mental life: leaning to use your mental capacities in a balanced way to solve problems and to keep an active and curious mind.
+Physical challenges: learning to ride a bicycle, build a treehouse and any other things you may wish to try that are relatively safe for you to do that are “normal” child behaviors.
+Sexual life: guilt free and responsible sexual balance that is age appropriate for yourself.
When you are supported to grow in these areas, you can become your own person and contribute your unique qualities to the family system. These are appreciated and supported.
In a healthy family system, each member is honored as an individual within the system. There is room for each person to express feelings and to be fully alive.
When a family is healthy, the roles members play and the family rules and expectations do not confine the parents or the children. They only serve as useful guidelines.
In a functional family each parents is clear about his and her own identity and the family is based on trust and love. There is hugging and healing and parents are emotionally available to each other and the children. They look at each child as a flower to bloom, interested in each part of the unfolding person. The defined limits of how far they will go and boundaries of how far they will let you go are clear. Flexibility and negotiation are encouraged age-appropriately.
+A healthy family finds a balanced interdependence of males and females who are equally respected with shared power and control.
+A healthy family creates a balance through boundaries that define individuality yet permit physical and emotional closeness.
+A healthy family facilitates communication that enhances—and also distinguishes—nurturing, affection, and erotic contact.
+A healthy family helps members develop sexual values, meanings, and attitudes that are shares, and supports individuals if they differ.
+A healthy family defines itself as a unique sexual system that can agree or disagree with community, family or origin, and culture but remain connected to those groups.
Along the road of family life and those of a relationship there are many difficult times and struggles which are simply a part of life. Conflict will come up repeatedly and needs to be dealt with in a calm and positive way as a part of life. It is nothing of which to be afraid. This is demonstrated by the parents and other older family members who may be present so the children see this as a normal aspect of life. Celebrating holidays and birthdays and special occasions is important not only during the years the family is together; these can continue when the family matures and is living in different areas perhaps, yet can be communicated via mail, telephone, or email. This bridges all barriers that could come from distance. Rituals that may have been passed down through the generations and family stories bring a feeling of family history. Friends are included in family get- togethers demonstrating it is not a closed system.
Gratitude is abundant as little things are noticed and appreciated. Daily recognition of happenings, feelings, and thoughts of each person’s experience is important.
It is crucial that love is valued and displayed in a totally genuine manner. I will end with this quote from the “Art of Happiness”, p.78, by the Dali Lama:
“Virtually all researchers in the field of human relationships agree that intimacy is central to our existence. . .From intimate attachments a person draws his strength and enjoyment of life and, through what he contributes, he gives strength and enjoyment to others.”
Dilemma of Love
