Codependency trap and ways out
June 26, 2010
Every so often we all fall into the codependency trap, feeling like we are in a blanket of darkness and there is no way out. Whether it is because of a dysfunctional relationship, defensive yourself or at the effect of another’s behavior, sometimes things look so dark and dreary and you are so tired that you say “how will I ever get my positive attitude back?”. If you are having one of those days, pray to your higher power to guide you to do what is best for that day and do also what you are committed to do. It is important to keep your commitments and your word to yourself and others. Think of lighting a candle, and even do it if you can’t just do it in your mind, and begin to list all the things you are grateful for and be open to love. Tell someone else the good things about them. The simpliest things such as you are not sick or you are healing from an illness and that will have its’ ups and downs. I took a homeopathic drug given by a very good doctor I have known for years for a condition that so far I have found no answer to and I have tried all the regular medical model medicines and disciplines other than having an operation which I don’t believe I need to have. I think there is another answer somewhere and I just haven’t found it. I talk to my coach for support and that helps me stay connected to someone who knows me and will give me honest and helpful suggestions and ideas. The second day of the homeopathic remedy I had a “healing crisis” (which at the time I did not know what was causing me to feel so sick, tired, discouraged, negative, and basically codependent which feeds negativity) and I didn’t know what was wrong. Not knowing is the hardest for me, waiting for some answers and guidance from my higher power who often speaks to me through reading or other people when I am willing to share what is going on honestly and not have shame attack me and guilt pull me down because I “don’t know” the answers for myself. I am able to help others when sometimes I can only light the candle for myself and pray for enlightenment. Connection to others who are good, kind people is one of the most important elements for me. So, if you are having one of those depressed, anxious days when you are so tired but sleep eludes you, find your coach or counselor and get another perspective and bring hope back into your day. What am I angry about is a good question when I am this down. Am I being abused? Is my self esteem down? These are the questions I need to ask myself to come out of this.
The Best (and Safest) Fish Oil…
June 23, 2010
The Best (and Safest) Fish Oil Supplements: Not all omega-3 supplements are created equal. Some of them are made f… http://bit.ly/b43bmv
Relationships and couples work/codependency
June 18, 2010
The topic today is relationships and couples work/codependency. When working with 2 people (or sometimes more eventually) it is important that the same counselor knows what is going on with each person. It they are going to different therapists then it is difficult to resolve anything. However, going to the same counselor is to their advantage. Each can talk to the counselor alone (confidentially)(to be shared by the person with the partner or relative when he/she is ready to do that if it is necessary) and get all their old “stuff” out of the way. Usually the old has to do with anger, abandonment, defensive relationships, old patterns of behavior that need to be changed, and a miriad of codependent issues that need to be changed. First these all have to be recognized and discharged through counseling/coaching and then new patterns can emerge that are healthy and provide good relationships.
Defensive behavior result of toxic relationships, addictions, codependency.
June 9, 2010
Defensive behavior is the result of toxic relationships, addictions, and/or codependency. Having affairs is devastating to both the person who is having it and the one who is being betrayed. It may not seem obvious to the person who is in the affair, secretive and isolating, but the anger and sickness is there even if they are in denial about it. The person “left behind” is actually in a better position to get healthy again with help from a qualified person such as a coach or counselor. That is because that person is facing reality and seeing what is going on. If the person is in denial he/she can be enabling which just makes the problem worse. The personal with the affair is in denial and is caught in addictions. This leads to loss of self-esteem and confidence, to anxiety and depression, and tremendous anger whether it is shown or not. The person left behind may feel stuck and financially afraid to separate or just too codependent to do so. The loss of spirituality is so obvious and needs attention to resolve the situation. Healthy relationships are possible with the right kind of couples counseling and just individual work. It is worth it to have your sleeping back again, to be out of guilt and emotional pain and perhaps physical pain. I got a call from France from a woman who was a gifted child and through abuse from her Mother for all of her life and then betrayal of her spouse, she found herself in such back pain she ended up having an operation which has debilitated her. Now she wants her life back. She can have it back with intense coaching and counseling but she will have to work very hard on her anger and grief and loss she has been through. Do not wait until you are in that position to get help. Get it BEFORE it goes into physical dysfunction and such loss.
When antidepressants are not good for the depressed person
June 4, 2010
It is a real challenge to deal with depression when you are “allergic” (have poor reactions) to antidepressants. When you are depressed your do not have your create forces working for you and have no motivaton to DO something about your situation. This is when it takes all the power you can muster to take some kind of action. Moving is the best antidote but once you have gone for a walk or a swim, then what?! Praying feels hollow and it is hard to see your prayers being answered. It is a physical experience as well as a mental and emotional and spiritual one. Reading can help you for awhile but you really need to talk to someone about it. Who to call, where to go? The body is a sensitive recepticle and something out of line can cause anxiety and restlessness. This is all part of depression. If you are lonely, how can you build up some resourses so you will have people to look forward to being with? These are a lot of unanswered questions which a coach or counselor can help you with. Get ahold of one soon. Don’t let depression pull you into immobility and discouragement. Perhaps you are being abused and don’t know it. Try an Alanon meeting or any kind of 12 step meeting to get you involved with people. There are support groups for depression. Join on now.
