Healing from Codependency
December 24, 2009
As layers of hurt and anger, anxiety and worry, depression and fear, abuse and sleeplessness (or wanting to sleep all the time to avoid the pain) are relieved through counseling and coaching, we are freed to be who we really are: spiritual beings; loving beings; kind and thoughtful people. We are spiritual by nature. As time wears on, society and dysfunctional family systems enter our lives to hurt us, and we become less in touch with our true nature. We become defensive and full of grief with so much loss and emotional pain. Everyone is looking for spirituality it seems. We need to be discerning in our thinking and be honest with ourselves as well as others (not tactless or sarcastic). We seem to get lost in doctrine and dogma instead of freeing ourselves from the trap in our mind, will, and emotions.
Spirituality should not be viewed as a “feel good” thing but as the part of us that embodies genuine caring and THINKING, using our minds constructively and being intentional in our actions. We should think before we speak, act, or move. Keep in mind that gratitude, courtesy, and respect are the lubricants of a smoothly function society. Set a goal today to be loving and giving to all you see and to give a compliment to people you encounter. Persevere in your goals and don’t give up. Your self esteem will rise immeasurable if you have faith; choose happiness. It will make your day! We are so fortunate to live in a country that gives us the freedom to actualize ourselves as spiritual beings.
Tiger Woods and Sex Addiction
December 10, 2009
Tiger Woods, one of the best known athletes in the world, has all the symptoms of what we commonly call a sex addict. We’ve seen so much speculation about what may have caused him to exhibit sex addict behavior. I have worked with sex addicts over the past 30 years, and if they have a true desire to get well, then they will respond positively with the right counseling/coaching. I work with addicts through getting them to commit to a 12 step program, which includes intensive (2-3 times a week) counseling/coaching. The addict is not a bad person but one who is deemed to be sick and capable of achieving wellness. The addict may have character faults, which, with counseling and a 12 step program, can be altered to achieve a “cure”. Total abstinence from sexual encounters (flirting included) with anyone other than one’s spouse is part of the treatment.
If the spouse is willing to stay with the addict through love, then he/she needs to have counseling, as well, to help cope with the addict’s aberrant behavior and the spouse’s tendencies to overlook red flags, which may include abuse, violence, anger/rage, anxiety, depression, abandonment, and other feelings such as worry, hatred, indifference, feelings of entitlement in the addict, insomnia and other sleep problems, and a host of other unpleasant feelings. Marriage counseling periodically is important; however, individual counseling for the addict and the spouse is crucial.
Treatment centers the country over specialize in sex addiction and can be a great jumping off point for the addict, and they usually have family week to help the injured family members cope and understand the illness and unacceptable behavior. The media and “specialists” trying to figure out why the addict did what he/she did is such a waste of time and does not help the situation. The addict is already paying the consequences of his/her behavior with losing sponsors (in the case of Tiger Woods), losing credibility, popularity, and the respect of so many people.
Addicts are sometimes unpleasant people, but, more than usual, they are good people who are very troubled and ill. Because sex addiction is considered such a moral issue (yet Hollywood is full of such people carrying on that it is accepted, with their children bearing the brunt of it,) Tiger is paying a high price for his unthinking behavior and his illness.
