Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome
September 28, 2009
Post traumatic stress is a very serious problem for many people for many reasons. Definitely those who have been in a war or in family combat zones of codependency, such as alcoholism and addictions of all kinds, are going to be dramatically affected. Depression, anxiety, insomnia, lack of goals and ambitions, physical illness, spiritual deprivation and emptiness are just a few of the results of post traumatic stress. It is treatable with counseling and coaching and sometimes medication is called for. People often enable the person(s) with the syndrome rather than confronting it because they are afraid of violence, suicide, abandonment, and general fear all around. They do it because of guilt and shame and that is the same reason many don’t get help. It causes food problems from anorexia to compulsive eating and that brings on its own severe health issues. A person suffering this syndrome needs to seek help and get out of the trap of stress and anxiety and terror. Grief and loss can cause a need for bereavement counseling. Anger is part of this whole process of post traumatic stress. Worry is a constant partner.
Physical Pain and Codependency-Addiction
September 22, 2009
Physical pain can be made worse by codependency, alcoholism, and other addictions. According to a newspaper article, people who have physical pain feel about 20 years older than they are. They use all kinds of coping mechanisms to deal with pain but find them to be rarely helpful in the long run. Their functioning level is impaired, and these illnesses make pain even worse; they lower self-esteem and confidence.
Pain affects relationships, especially marriages, and often causes violence and constant friction while degrading communication skills. People who are in the presence of one in pain may suffer abuse, or the person in pain may be abused by not being helped and understood and blamed. Defensive behavior certainly is common, and spirituality can diminish to the point of nonexistence. People can be disturbed when a dear one’s behavior changes and they don’t understand the reasons for it.
Depression and anxiety, guilt and shame, insomnia, lethargy, and loss of interest in life are part of the physical pain syndrome, and people in pain so need to feel loved and cared for. Assertiveness is often needed to get what one needs in life, and pain can diminish one’s ability to summon up the energy to apply it.
In a relationship, pain can stand between the people involved like a malevolent demon making them feel abandoned and angry and sometimes violent. If you find yourself in this situation, seek a good doctor or pain clinic or treatment center to receive the necessary counseling/coaching. You do not need to do it alone, and, in reality, you rarely can. Living in pain is a lonely way to live. One needs spiritual and emotional support.
Defensive Behavior in Relationships
September 18, 2009
Defensive behavior in relationships is common in troubled marriages and also parent/child relationships. Defensive behavior often enters as a misunderstanding in communication and ways you communicate. “I Statements” should be made when speaking with another, stating your feelings and issues. Stick to the issue only. LISTEN to what the other person has to say and let them know you heard them. If they are defensive, repeat your “I statement” clearly and ask them to listen to it. Reassure them you are not blaming them for how you feel but simply sharing your concerns.
Marriage counseling or individual counseling can be helpful in solving these kinds of problems. Codependency and alcoholism/addiction can bring on defensive behavior. Coaching and counseling are suggested for the person who is being abused by defensive behavior. If you are doing it yourself, seek ways to stop yourself. It will only get you into a vicious cycle of no resolution. You need to get counseling if you find you cannot stop on your own. You may need support and some explaining of what is going on to help you through the difficulties. Good relationships are precious and need to be nurtured.
Do all you can to correct the problem: otherwise, you will feel abandoned and abused and angry or hurt, guilty or shamed. Insomnia, depression, and anxiety can come from an abusive relationship. Even violence can result from faulty communication
Codependency and Addiction Cause Outbursts of Violence
September 16, 2009
Three recent outbursts that have taken place in Congress, at awards shows, and on the basketball court show the blatant disrespect that we are trying to teach our children NOT to emulate. These are poor examples of people’s behavior and an insult to civility. Codependency and addiction be it from alcohol or drugs can cause this kind of behavior. No one with a sober and sane mind and heart would act like that; it is abusive and insulting.
People in grief and loss need bereavement counseling, not examples of outrageous behavior. People with anxiety and depression may act that way, but they need counseling and coaching. Let’s all speak out for responsible and respectful behavior and loving kindness. We see so much anger and rage running rampant in this country, and the people involved may well be in need of anger management counseling to reclaim control of their emotions. Regrettably, so much fear in these hard times is causing people to act crazy and give little thought to the well being of others.
Alcoholism in Women
September 16, 2009
A newspaper article concerning alcoholism in woman said that twice as many women have the illness than is reported. Is this because the stigma is so great for women to be alcoholics that they have so much shame and guilt they are afraid for anyone to know it? Alcohol addiction can be a terrible prison and women, especially, need help to extricate themselves from it. We all need to speak up when we suspect a friend or relative has alcoholism and get them the help they need, either therapy treatment or the AA twelve step program. We can go with them to support them and let them know everything is confidential, and anyone who is there is there for the same reason. No one will know they are going to AA if they don’t chose to tell anyone.
Alcoholism can cause physical illness, mental and emotional problems, as well as spiritual disconnection. It can ruin families and relationships. Many marriages break up as a result of the woman being an alcoholic much more than if the man is the alcoholic. Marriage counseling is recommended for a couple that faces this kind of addiction.
Counseling and coaching are a necessity on top of doing the steps in the AA program. Alanon is there to help the friend or spouse with issues arising from the alcoholic’s addiction and how it has damaged them. Fear, insomnia, low energy, grief and loss all come into play with this illness. People involved must step up and help the alcoholic in a loving and supportive way.
This illness causes terrible depression and feelings of abandonment. This is why denial is so strong in the women alcoholics and their families. By not intervening, friends and loved ones are contributing to their denial. They are enabling them. The alcoholic’s self esteem is so low that he/she doesn’t feel worthy of help.
Anxiety and Counseling/Coaching
September 11, 2009
Forty years ago I used to have killer anxiety so badly that I could barely function. I went to a counselor who helped me sort through the complicated emotion, and now I have been free of it until recently when a short bout (which is still emotionally painful) will hit me—sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night. I can use the suggestions I wrote in my anxiety article on my webpage, because I had that original counseling and now understand it. I just have to do some things to stop it. Fortunately, it does not often arise to plague me, but, when it does, it is awful.
I really like to help people with this problem, because I know the pain and suffering it can cause. Anxiety can come from being abused by someone, from financial worries, or from unwanted changes that have to be made. I read in the paper today that anxiety causes twice the amount of abuse, alcoholism, addiction, depression, and physical illnesses than has been previously reported. I can believe that!! I am really working hard to remain free of anxiety and doing pretty well, but sometimes it sneaks up on me and wham! I get a dose of it. Medication isn’t really the answer, because it isn’t dealing with the problem. If I can’t handle this myself, in other words, if I get more than an occasional bout, I will seek coaching and counseling to get back on track. I know it can be done.
Anxiety is also a real sign of codependency, and it comes from worry and uncertainty beyond the normal range. Anger is a big part of anxiety, so look at what you are angry about and do something about it. It really raises havoc with your sleep and causes insomnia and restless sleep. It affects marriages negatively, and marriage counseling might be in order. It can bring on violence, guilt, and shame. It definitely affects self esteem and self confidence negatively. This is a serious problem that CAN be helped, with the right counselor/coach.
Anger Management
September 8, 2009
Anger is a complicated emotion that needs to be studied as if you were a detective. Life coaching and counseling is almost crucial to free one of this destructive emotion when it is misused. If used properly, anger can be helpful, but few people know how to do it well. It can cause strain in marriages and in any relationship, and couples counseling can relieve that. It can cause physical illness and eat away at one’s soul. Many people today are in denial that their anger has reached the point of causing them physical and mental harm and they subject others to it in many ways.
The world has enough anger. Use it for energy and to do good for others and not to destroy. It is an energy that can be used to motivate one to get things done and to do positive things to make this world a better place. Handled properly, it can keep your spiritual channels open and make you into a real contributor to humanity.
If you are suffering grief and loss, you may need bereavement counseling, so you can work though problems without hurting yourself or others. This is part of the process of grief. If you are experiencing anxiety, you may discover that it is really anger you’re not expressing (or even acknowledging). As soon as you recognize your anger and began to express it and do something about the cause, the anxiety should go away. The same can happen with depression, which is anger turned inward.
Insomnia and Sleep Deprivation
September 6, 2009
Insomnia and sleep deprivation result in a multitude of strange effects on our thinking, feeling, and functioning. Sleep allows our bodies to rejuvenate (literally “to make young again”). It relaxes the muscles and allows the body to realign itself and restore itself. Anyone who has had pain knows how vital a good night’s sleep is to reduce or eliminate pain. Dreaming is vital to our health. Regularly patterned sleep times keeps our bodies in their normal rhythmic biological cycles. Dream sleep is a vital function.
Codependents often have trouble with quality sleep or regular sleep. Addicts and alcoholics really throw the sleep cycle off for codependents. Counseling and coaching can help these problems and get the codependent back on the right track. Sleeplessness is part of the bereavement process. It causes anxiety and depression and magnifies guilt and shame. The best way one to get his/her sleep back to normal is through behavioral counseling not medication.
Repressed Anger in Anger Management
September 3, 2009
In these blogs I’ve written seven ways anger is misused, but the most important one I haven’t written about is repressed anger, because so little attention is given to it, and it can be deadly. It causes insomnia, depression, anxiety, physical ailments and illnesses. It ruins relationships and breaks up families. It is one of the biggest symptoms of codependency and addiction, especially alcoholism. It is one of the biggest causes of stress on the body, which can make pain worse than it would normally be and causes pain in vulnerable areas. It keeps you from having the spiritual flow which brings inspiration, motivation, and insight.
Most people do not realize that they have debilitating anger (denial) unless someone points it out or they get information about anger that can help them know they have it. Not much focus is put on repressed anger. In my workshops and in regular sessions, I pick up this kind of anger and help the person get in touch with it and help them release it. This does amazing positive things such as healing physical illnesses, ridding one of depression, anxiety, insomnia or restless sleeping. It opens the channel to the highest source for good in the universe and heals relationships, including the one a person has with herself. I teach ways she can recognize it in herself, learn skills to get it up and out, and it literally changes one’s life for the best. It can hide under so many other feelings that disguise it, so it is difficult to recognize one has it. It is part of the grief and loss process, and in the bereavement experience, it can distort one’s life, causing one’s life to be put on hold. It can cause abuse, obesity, anorexia, and can become violent.
It is so satisfying to me to help people to work through this kind of anger and be set free! One needs to become a detective to unearth this anger. It is not the person’s fault who has it, everyone does to some extent, but that person is responsible to find out as much as she can about herself and this issue and then get help dealing with it. To be able to identify repressed anger in others, which allows one to protect oneself from the damage others’ anger causes, can give one a sense of freedom and control over one’s life.
Insomnia
September 2, 2009
Insomnia gets worse if not dealt with as soon as it starts occurring in your life. USA Today reports that stretches of chronic insomnia for months or years like Michael Jackson had are preventable. Sleep is when the body detoxes, and the immune system rejuvenates. Insomnia over the long term wreaks havoc with the body and mind. It is linked to many diseases and can lead to depression and cognitive difficulties and even shorten life.
Behavioral treatment/counseling/coaching can deal with insomnia without medication. An occasional medication is not a problem, but constant dependence on medication can lead to serious side effects. Behavioral specialists teach people how to get a full night’s sleep, stressing the importance of exercise, good habits, environmental factors and relaxation techniques.
Codependency runs rampant with insomnia. Depression is common among insomniacs, and addiction is very high. It is important to do something about it before it becomes a huge problem. Since most people don’t, the good news is that insomnia can be overcome, even if you’ve had it for awhile and are addicted to sleeping drugs. Undergoing counseling/coaching to guide one through the arduous process of bringing balance to one’s life can be most effective in eliminating insomnia and establish normal sleep patterns.
